Lifestyle etiquette: house parties, clubs and meet & greets

Lifestyle events can feel mysterious from the outside. In reality, the best ones feel a lot like any great party: warm hosts, interesting people, good music and conversation that flows easily. What makes them different is a shared set of manners that everyone in the room understands, and that lets people relax.

None of it is complicated. It comes down to three things: respect for everyone present, discretion about who you saw, and consent that is clear, freely given and never assumed. Get those right and you'll be welcome almost anywhere.

The rules that apply everywhere

• Ask before you touch. A hand on the arm, a hug, a dance: ask first, every time, and take any answer gracefully.
• "No" is a complete sentence. So is "not tonight" or "maybe later". Nobody owes you a reason.
• Speak to couples as a couple. Include both partners in the conversation, and never try to win over one of them alone.
• What happens at an event stays there. Never share names, faces or details of who you met, not even with friends in the lifestyle.
• Phones away. No photos or videos at events, not even a selfie, unless the host has said otherwise.
• Drink with care. Consent needs a clear head, and so do the people deciding whether to invite you back.

“The best guests aren't the boldest people in the room. They're the ones everyone feels completely at ease around.”

Meet & greets

A meet & greet is a social evening, usually at an ordinary bar or restaurant, often in a reserved area. It's the easiest first step into the lifestyle, and many long-time members still love them. Nothing happens beyond conversation, drinks and the occasional dance.

• Dress as you would for a nice evening out. You're in a public venue, so keep it discreet.
• Keep conversation tasteful. Staff and other diners are nearby, and the venue is doing the group a favour.
• Introduce yourselves by first name or profile name. Surnames and workplaces can wait until trust is built.
• Tip well and be gracious to the staff. Good venues are hard to find, and easy to lose.
• It's fine to arrive, chat for an hour and go home. That's exactly what most people do.

Lifestyle clubs

Clubs usually have two kinds of space: social areas with a bar and dance floor, and separate private areas. Every club sets its own house rules, so read them before you go, and listen carefully during any new-guest tour.

Before you go

• Check the dress code and theme. Many clubs host themed nights and take them seriously.
• Find out whether the night is open to couples only, or to singles too, and how membership works.
• Agree your boundaries with your partner at home, not at the bar.

Once you're there

• Staying in the social areas all night is completely normal. Many guests do, especially on their first visits.
• Respect any closed door or quiet signal. If a space or a group isn't open to others, don't linger.
• If someone makes you uncomfortable, tell the staff. Good clubs act quickly, and they want to know.

House parties

A private house party is the most personal kind of lifestyle event. You are a guest in someone's home, and the hosts have trusted you with their address, their space and their privacy. Treat that trust as the gift it is.

• RSVP honestly, and don't bring anyone who wasn't invited by name.
• Arrive close to the stated time, and bring something to share: a bottle, snacks, or whatever the hosts ask for.
• Follow the house rules exactly, including any rooms that are off limits.
• Leave every space as you found it, and offer to help tidy before you go.
• Never share the address, the guest list or anything about the evening.
• Thank your hosts the next day. It's a small thing that people remember.

When the answer is no

Rejection is part of every social scene, and the lifestyle is no different. A couple might be wonderful company and simply not interested. Thank them, smile, and move on. How you handle a no says more about you than anything else you'll do that evening, and in a close community, people notice.

The same is true in reverse. When you're not interested, say so kindly and clearly. A polite, honest "thank you, but not for us" is always better than a vague maybe.

Finding events on TruLS

TruLS lists meet & greets, lifestyle parties, house parties and club nights near you, along with club pages for the venues that host them. Hosts can show whether an event is social only or play-friendly, so you know what to expect before you go, and you can mark yourself as going or interested. Membership is free for adults 18 and over, and we're opening region by region.