Can swinging strengthen a relationship?

For couples who already communicate well and trust each other, the lifestyle can strengthen a relationship. Couples most often credit deeper honesty, a renewed sense of excitement, a shared adventure and a community of like-minded friends. It isn't a cure for a struggling relationship, though: the lifestyle tends to magnify whatever is already there, which is why the strongest couples get the most out of it.

What the research says

Research into consensual non-monogamy has grown a lot over the last decade. A 2015 review of the research found that people in consensually non-monogamous relationships report psychological well-being and relationship quality similar to people in monogamous relationships. In other words, the old assumption that open relationships must be unhappy ones doesn't hold up. What matters most, in any kind of relationship, is honesty, communication and genuine agreement.

Why couples say it brought them closer

You learn to talk about anything

The lifestyle asks couples to put desire, jealousy, boundaries and fantasies into words. That takes courage. Once you've done it, conversations about money, family or the future feel easier too, because you've already proven you can talk honestly and still feel safe.

Trust becomes something you practice

Every time you agree on a boundary and both keep it, trust grows. Experienced couples often describe a deep, steady confidence in each other, built one evening and one honest conversation at a time.

The spark comes back

Getting dressed up together, flirting across a room, seeing your partner through someone else's eyes, and coming home with a story only the two of you share: for many long-term couples, that brings back an excitement they thought belonged to their first year together.

“We didn't join the lifestyle to find something new. We found each other again.”

You're a team

Couples in the lifestyle plan together, decide together and look out for each other. That sense of being on the same side, working toward the same great evening, carries over into the rest of life.

Friendships that understand you

Many couples say the friendships are the very best part: people they can be completely themselves with, who'll never judge them, and who understand a side of their life most people never see.

The honest caveats

• It's not a repair kit. If trust or communication is already shaky, the lifestyle usually makes things harder, not easier.
• Both partners need to genuinely want it. Reluctant agreement isn't agreement.
• Jealousy is normal. What matters is talking about it kindly and adjusting your boundaries when you need to.
• It's always okay to pause, slow down or step away. The relationship comes first.

Is it right for you?

Only the two of you can answer that, and you don't need to answer it quickly. Talk, read, take a quiz together and compare notes. Meet people socially first if you're curious. And if you decide the lifestyle isn't for you, that's a perfectly good outcome too.